What Are Gender Pronouns For?
My last post addressed ways that you can normalize pronoun use in healthcare.
Now, I’m going to backtrack a bit and explain WHY using correct gender pronouns is important.
Let’s say, for example, you changed career paths. You used to be a teacher, but now you’re an engineer.
What if you’re telling someone about your new career that you love and want to be known as, and someone refuses to acknowledge your career and call you an engineer?
This is never going to be the same as your gender or sexual identity being erased, ignored, and ridiculed, but this shows how many people react when they learn that someone has changed they preferred pronouns or their name.
If someone refuses to acknowledge something you embrace as a part of you, you are denying their identity.
In response, that is likely not a person you will trust or share things with, as they have made a hurtful response to something that is a big part of you.
A person’s gender can be anything they want it to be, and it is essential that we recognize and use the pronouns each person prefers.
Now that we know the why, let’s talk about the how.
How do we use gender pronouns appropriately?
How to Use Gender Pronouns Appropriately
- Ask someone their pronouns first, and then use them when referring to them. Some ways you can ask are: “How can I refer to you?” or start by shrring your own pronouns. They may share if they feel comfortable. Let’s say the person has they/them pronouns. So you can say sentences: They are coming over. I am meeting them for lunch. They went for a walk. They liked having a dog. Never assume someone’s pronouns- gender pronouns reflect what gender a person feels they align with, and this may not match your view of what a certain gender looks like. Gender is fluid and how people express gender is different for everyone. The Golden Rule? Ask, not assume.
2. Apologize and correct when you slip up. It is likely we will misgender someone. Make sure to apologize, use the correct pronouns and continue on. This will show you respect the person’s identity and realize what you said was wrong, but are not over-apologizing.
3. If possible and safe to do so in the moment, correct a person that misgenders someone. However, be careful doing this as a person may not have shared their pronouns with everyone they know. Check with them first. If you do know you can correct the person, here are some things you can say:
If a person misgenders your friend by using he/him when his preferred pronouns are they/them, you can say:
“They are going to the film festival this weekend with their sister”. This emphasizes the correct pronoun without correcting the person. They may remember the preferred pronouns of the friend.
If the misgendering continues, and this is a person you have open communication with, you can take the education route and share with the person what the preferred pronouns are and why they are important.
4. If you aren’t sure of someone’s pronouns, use gender neutral pronouns. It is best to refer to someone as they and them if you are not sure of their preferred pronouns. This is a way to be inclusive and unassuming when referring to a person, and you can ask them when you have the chance, or share your own pronouns first.
5. Be gender neutral when referring to a group. Some terms I use are “folks”, “y’all”, “friends”, “team”, “everyone” or “guests”. Again, this way you are not misgendering anyone in the group, especially if there was not a space to find out everyone’s pronouns.
6. Pay attention to your phrases, and adapt them to be gender neutral. For example, instead of saying “thank you, ma’am” or “thank you, sir”, you can simply say “thank you you very much”. When identifying a person, you can replace “man” or “woman” with person (e.g. person with the USD sweatshirt vs man with the USD sweatshirt).
7. Some people don’t use pronouns. In that case, use that person’s name. For example, Zan is going home this weekend. Zan felt happy at the movies. Zan went outside. In this situation, the person’s name is used whenever they are referred to, since they do not have pronouns they are comfortable using or that they identify with. If you want to use a word like “_____self” you can say Zan did it all by Zan’s self or Zan completed it independently.
These are ways you can incorporate gender pronouns as well as gender neutral language when pronouns aren’t clear. What strategy are you going to try out this week?
This is day 3 of Better Speech and Hearing Month. Thanks for reading! If you missed day one, you can check it out here. If you want to learn more about pronouns, head over to my LGBTQIA+ Dictionary!
Come back tomorrow to learn more about cultural sensitivity as an SLP. For more cultural sensitivity tips, make sure to subscribe to my SLP Survival Newsletter!
